Emotional Mess

Today was really a good day. Devlin was great about letting me sleep and then I got myself up and took him to the playground at the mall. I also took him to the bookstore and the Halloween store, so he had a blast. He got a good work out too. I couldn't stop hugging the boy. I want him to know how much I love him, but he doesn't care he just wants to buy bouncing eye balls and rolling rats and move on with his day. I also emailed my Dad a messy mail about what a great dad he is. I am an emotional wreck. Saw the movie Shopgirl the other night and could not stop crying. It is getting a bit silly.
Nausea is okay as long as I have food in my tummy. I have been craving a big juicy hamburger, like the thick burger at Hardees or something from a fancier place. Really thick and juicy with lettuce and a big slice of tomato. Well, the only restaurant at the mall that could do that for me wouldn't talk to me. The hostess stood and talked to some good looking guy filling out an application and ignored me. I just walked off and settled for TacoHell, but ended up throwing most of it away cause it just didn't do. John is off gaming so I am alone for the evening. That probably means crying over another chick flick and going to bed at 11 o'clock. Pregnancy is kind of pathetic.

It is back!

Okay, so the feeling great didn't last. I have also put off the laundry for three days. Lazy and nauseous. Nothing new there.

Feeling Great?

I have felt great the past few days. I feel like something should be wrong. No nausea at all. I have still been sleepy, but not quite so bad. I was able to get up after 4 hours yesterday and we went to the Train Depot (Devlin LOVES that store) and got dinner at the mall. There is a playground at the mall food court, so we can pick whatever food we want and Devlin can run his little booty into the ground and play with other kids. Unfortunately that usually means we will all be sick in a week, but it is always worth it. I have to do laundry today, I wanted to try to put it off until tomorrow, but John is out of uniforms. I hate taking Devlin to the LaundryMat because he gets a bit unruley since he is bored. Oh well, we do what we have to. I hope feeling good doesn't mean something is wrong.

Wonders and Doubts

Why do they make you wait so long to see a doctor? I have a ton of questions about diet and other stuff and I have to wait. Like is Nutrasweet really the horrible deformity maker that the internet makes it out to be, because I am having a tough time giving it up when I can't have sugar. Splenda is great, but the internet says that isn't any better really. Not to mention Splenda is not in as many drinks as it was when it first came out. I am taking a regular multivitamin and worry I am getting too much vitamin A even though 23% of it is in the form of betacarotein. I am having weird pregnancy dreams too. I dreamed I was sleeping with the twin brother of one of my patients. My patient is a very old, very sick man... yuck. I haven't dreamed I am having puppies yet though. I am still queezy a lot and tired ALL the time. I did manage to do the dishes and take the recycling to the basement though.. yeah me!! I don't want to be pregnant anymore. (Yes, still want the pumpka I am carrying, but just don't want to carry her) I tell you if I could travel back in time I would tell Eve what a stupid horrible idiot she was. :0

Fit Pregnancy

I bought Fit Pregnancy Magazine today when I went to pick up the Sunday paper. I can't believe I am buying pregnancy magazines, but it had an article on morning sickness cures. Pretty much everything I am doing. The only thing it didn't mention is what the nursing supervisor told me about water the other day and diluting the hormones, but it does seem the better hydrated I am the less nauseous I am. I am having trouble stomaching the idea of drinking a protein shake, but my husband is insisting... which I am sure he is right... I just know they made me queezy when I had a perfectly fine tummy, much less one that balances on the edge of okay and yucky.

The beginning of a long work stretch

This is the second day in a long work stretch for me. I do three nights on, one off and another three on. I feel horrible for Devlin during this stretch, especially if his father is working because he has to entertain himself while I sleep all those days. Luckily this week his Da is off two days and they can share Webkinz or go to the park together, while I am zonked.

The Ginger Chews arrived!!! I have felt so good all day, except for the tiredness, of course. I even got up when John got home and ate dinner with him and cleaned up. He is off gaming tonight so I will get Devlin in bed and lie down after that. Not too bad, considering.

I have been searching the internet about information on gastric bypass and pregnancy. There isn't a lot. It does mention Folic Acid deficiency, but I am taking that. I remembered what my father told me with Devlin about Fish Oil and preventing ADD so I am taking that again too. It scares me a little that I am going to be 40 when I have this baby and all the chances of Down's and Autism and things that could go horribly wrong increase. Where would I be if I didn't have something to fret over, though?! I worry a bit about dumping syndrome and the effect on the baby. I only have had one dumping incident so far, but when your sugar drops to 40 does it effect the baby? I hate that I have to wait so long to see the OB doctor. They just have no interest in seeing me until September. Crazy.

If I don't blog for a few days it is because I am sleeping. Big surprie.

Pregnancy is a long time

Obviously there isn't a whole lot of exciting news in the pregnancy front. Jodies mom has purchased and is mailing me some ginger chews, I cannot thank her enough. I have been saving my last one for work, just in case I have a really bad bout of sickness. Other than that I have been sleeping and sleeping and sleeping. I sleep all night, wake up, do a few things, take a nap, wake up do a few things, take a nap. Not necessarily in that order. I have to FORCE myself to get anything done. I force myself by promising myself another nap. When I am working, if I don't sleep all day the day before I don't know if I could get through the night. I wonder if being sick all the time would be better, but either way I am not getting a lot done. I actually straightened up the house and vacuumed today. I still slept a lot though. Poor Devlin.

Speaking of Devlin, we spoke to the school district again and there was a slim hope there for a while, but then we talked to the psycologist and there isn't any way of getting him into kindergarten early. They have a tool for advanced placement, but not readiness, so he is out of luck. John is furious still. I told the psycologist as much, but he figured what good would it do to talk to her, it is just going to irritate him and put her on the defensive and Devlin still won't get into school. He still wants to show up on Devlin's 5th birthday and say.. yeah he has changed a TON in 23 days. They recommended a parks and rec class, but I don't know if it is going to be possible financially. We are definately going to try, though. The boy needs to do something with other kids.

I am off to get Devlin ready for bed... so I can take another nap!!!

Saturday August 4

What a busy two days we have had!! I spend my time off trying to make up to Devlin for all the time he has to entertain himself while I sleep. Soon we will have to be "making it up" to two kids. Am I crazy?

Yesterday we hopped in the car and drove to Seymour Wisconsin the Home of the Hamburger for a Balloon ralley. We watched the hot air balloons take off and got a mouse balloon from Hamburger Charlie. Devlin has always been fascinated by hot air balloons so he really loved it. One day I will have to take him for a ride in one, but he will have to get over the fear of heights first.

Today we went to the Best Friends (a mentoring program) Children's Festival at Riverside Park. We had a blast!! We played all sorts of games and won prizes. We jumped in the air blown things and slid down the giant bouncy slide. He spent a long long time trying to make a basket in the bouncy basketball thingy. (Love that word... such great vocabulary)

During the best friends festival I discovered that I am going to have pregnancy migrains. I went half blind with the star vision that you can get with migrains. A woman at work has them and they are so bad for her she can't talk or think. I was very dizzy and shaky just before we left and started to feel better and then the blindness thing which I had to push through for Devlin. I am going to have to research this stuff.

We were out maybe 5 hours and I am EXHAUSTED!!! I could sleep for hours if I let myself. Prenancy is a time and effort killer. draft by Kerry's Pregnancy

Thursday August 2

I found a cure for morning sickness!! My friend Jodie's mother had sent me some ginger candy from Trader Joe's a while ago, because I LOVE ginger candy. I had read somewhere that ginger helped, so I dug one out and ate one. Sure enough I felt 100 percent better! Anytime it comes back I eat one and feel better. I LOVE It!! Now, I have to hit Jodie's mom up to get to Trader Joe's again, because we don't have one here and I am almost out. I think I may be able to order them directly online too, but it is more fun to send Jodie's mom out on treasure hunts.

Devlin was getting carried away at snuggle time and was banging my belly with his leg. I told him to quit kicking his sister and just like any brother would do, he laughed and did it some more. I had to distract him and send him off to play, but I thought the maniacle little giggle told all.

Feeling great today! Work was great last night too cause I had help. I hope it goes as well tonight. I told Gretchen (the nurse I work with) my story about crying over cake. She said Angela had come out and asked about the cake and they had told her to eat it. I said it was fine that she ate it, I just thought it was funny that I cried over cake.

My son is obsessed with contraptions. We accidentally let him watch an episode of Tom and Jerry where Tom builds a better mouse trap. We had to tape it to VCR and he has rewound and watched it a zillion times today. He cannot understand why he can't build a mousetrap with a gun, knife, saw, and old wringing washing machine.
Oh, and he was not accepted for early kindergarten enterance. John was furious!! He said if he had been born 23 days earlier all this testing and stuff would be a non issue. He is write. I think the part of the "readiness" test he failed was because of things we won't let him do anyway, like walking to the neighbors alone and taking a bath alone. Crazy. I am looking into other programs though. Will keep posting.

Off to feed the boy while he watches the mousetrap thing for the zillionth and one time.

Wednesday August 1

Well, I am sitting at week 5 and the morning sickness has begun. I thought it might have been because I forgot my B vitamins yesterday, but I took them and a prilosec when I got home and I am still queezy. Funny that pregnancy feels like a punishment sometimes. What you get out of it is so wonderful it is totally worth it, but while you are living in your misery it doesn't seem so great.

Last night at work I experienced an emotional mess too. I hid it from people, but it was very hard. It was so busy and I was working with a very unhelpful nurse. Gretchen is still great, she and the new orientee Angela are my life savers. This nurse is mostly a nursing supervisor and "above it all". Anyway, I am running my bum off, especially with a death, and the guys 17 kids there. All I could think about was that gorgeous piece of cake left over in the break room.So, when I was walking back from cleaning out the dead guys room and saw Angela enjoying that last piece of beautiful cake it was all I could do not to cry. I think I actually did cry for a minute. I am not really supposed to have cake and she was really doing me a favor, but at the time it was the proverbial straw.

Now, I know why I want another child. In the middle of typing this blog my beautiful son, Devlin, (4) came up to me and put his arms around my neck, and kissed me and told me he loved me. All on his own. (of course I know he just wants on the computer, but it was still sweet)

Tummy feels a bit better with ice.